FORGIVENESS

This year is my 30th high school reunion. For the first time in as many years I am connecting with my former classmates. I didn't enjoy high school. It was filled with too many dramas and hurts, even within my closest circle of friends. Both inside and outside that circle, I felt an enormous pressure to be a certain way. Debilitating judgments were made basically against everyone, and by everyone. We labeled each other based on those judgments. This overall lack of acceptance amongst us wreaked havoc with my self-esteem. As I now reconnect with those class mates I'm discovering that many had a similar perception of our high school years.

Of course as I trip down memory lane, and I think about the offenses against me, I realize that I still own hurts, grudges, and judgments from those years. Yet, in the midst of these memories, a freeing thought suddenly blazes through my mind. As I begin to realize what's lurking in my heart, as I take stock of the sins that were committed against me, I become acutely aware that these are the very sins I've committed against others. This is wildly liberating as all the monsters of my past melt into kids who where as hurting, immature, and defensive as me. Their judgments against me were not about my value, but about their perception of their own value.

And if this isn't enough, another realization zooms in and makes my heart giddy: The enemy of my soul wants to use my past to destroy my present by keeping offenses alive that no longer exist, except in my unforgiveness. Without forgiveness, I live in the chains of yesterday's resentments, judgments, and hurts today. The Father knows forgiveness is terribly difficult, so Jesus meets me in my hurts and resentments, and takes me through the process of forgiveness: realization, acknowledgement, surrender, apology, release, and freedom. Sometimes this process happens in lightning speed, as in this case. Other times I find myself walking through a long process of pealing the onion, layer by layer, in order to get to the sweet core. Either way, true and honest forgiveness is His door to my freedom.

ODE TO DIVORCE

ODE TO DIVORCE

by Susan Skommesa

1980

Marriage

Is an old bridge

Swaying ruthlessly

Between two weather eroded

Cuts of land

Old rope handles

Bitten into by the elements

Boards

Missing at intervals

Swallowed by the churning river below

Each bank

Wearing away

Loosening its grip on the bridge

Till finally

The bridge plunges to the rocks below

Leaving behind

Two broken cuts of land

THE SURFACE

THE SURFACE
by Susan Skommesa

4/17/09

The mirror welcomes

The world sees

The stranger knows...

The surface

The cheeks brushed

The eyes colored

The lips painted

the surface

The PC words

The polite air

The sweet smile

The surface

As long as I look good

And you think I am good...

I am good

The surface

THE TEXTURE OF RELAXATION

THE TEXTURE OF RELAXATION

by Susan Skommesa

10/11/09

The absence of the rat-race startles me

Stillness infiltrates every fiber of my being

Surprisingly, the stillness is teaming with life:

Trees whisper their dance across my attention

A tender cool breeze tickles my skin

Vibrant air pulls up deep releasing breaths from my core

A symphony of birds siphons off my tension

The majestic rise of mountains refires my creativity

Delightful creatures all around hold my curiosity

And by the end of the day...

As a swash of brilliant stars consumes the night sky

The chains of the city release their hold

I'm Back!

I've taken several months off from blogging during our move to the mountains. This picture of our new home is from this past March... yes, March. In future blogs I'll tell you more about this gorgeous and somewhat wild place we now call home.

Now that we are fairly settled in to our new home and the creative energy is returning, I'm Back! Wahoo. Feels good to be back.

I had difficult writing while unpacking boxes, painting, and cleaning. I felt cut off from my creative well of inspiration. I often experience a thrill when I write in partnership with my creative energy. Forcing a piece to the surface when I am drained is actually quite tedious. But writing when my creative energy is strong is both exciting and further energizing. Working from a position of strength rather than pulling myself up by my bootstraps reminds me of how Paul tells us in Philippians 4:13 that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." In partnership with Christ's Holy Spirit we can do so much more than by our own sheer grit. In the kitchen it's the difference between using sharp knives or dull ones. In yard work it's the difference between using a push-mower and a gas mower.

Here's something my fellow bloggers may consider valuable. I've been hunting around the Internet and networking with those who've mastered blogging. I've found a very interesting article http://www.problogger.net/archives/2009/08/19/amazon-associates-tips/ from Darren Rowse of Problogger http://www.problogger.net/. Darren makes his living blogging professionally, and in a series of 3 articles he shares what he's learned over the years. If you're into blogging, you may find these articles fascinating.

I'll talk to you soon...for sure!

Susan




Copyright 2010 Susan Skommesa. All Rights Reserved.

The Monitor is no longer the arch enemy of my creativity

When I think of the elements of me as characters in a play, and step outside of me to watch them interact, I gain insights that can lead to greater levels of internal freedom. After writing The Monitor (see blog post dated 11/8/09), I realized that looking at The Monitor as a character would help me understand my tendency to seize up when I write - especially when I write something that the public will read and then judge.

I started out asking myself: "If The Monitor is a character, who else is on stage?" The voice who is telling on The Monitor in that blog post is The Creative One. the Creative One is frustrated and wanting The Monitor to be still and hold off expressing judgement or opinion until The Creative One has had the opportunity to fully express.

The Monitor is not without value, as that aspect of me is needed to partner with The Creative One to refine my work. The Creative One has trouble seeing this value due to the frustration of having her hands tied.

By stepping back like this, the healing questions that naturally emerge are: Why is The Monitor so harsh? Why does it feel like so much is at risk? When I could identify who The Monitor sounded like and what fears underlie The Monitor's intensity, a new character in the play emerged, The Nurturing One, to affirm The Monitor's value and help it take a life-giving place.

Through the partnership that developed between The Monitor and The Creative One, the integration that has taken place between the two has greatly reduced my tendency to seize up when I wield the pen.

Being able to see The Monitor from the outside looking in so to speak, has made it possible to not only see The Monitor's value and remove its status as arch enemy, but to help calm the anxiety and fear The Monitor tends to hold.

Susan

Copyright 2010 Susan Skommesa. All Rights Reserved.

The Texture of Relaxation

Rest is something our culture does not do well. It seems that we are swept along on a current of activity - all of which is important - until we either hurt or break. Even the way we play does not allow for rest. This seems true of children and adults alike. After school kids are off to soccer practice, music lessons, drama club, and or a ‘play date’. After practice or the game they come home, have dinner, practice an instrument or work on lines for the play, do homework, and get ready for the next day. By the time homework is done it's time for bed. Down time, if there is any, is in front of the TV. Parents race home from work to get their children to each of their different activities at different locations, make dinner while the kids work on the homework, and then get ready for the next day. If you're a teacher or in business, you probably bring work home with you; this you do during your "down" time. Where is the family quiet time where you discuss your day, tell stories, laugh, bond, and connect as a family?

My husband Steve and I were on vacation several weeks ago and we were exhausted and in need of this vacation; our pace being no different than the average American living in Los Angeles. We went up to Oregon to drink in the gorgeous nature along the Columbia River. We stayed at a beautiful Bed & Breakfast in the valley of Mt. Hood. The air was cool, fresh, and crisp. The foliage shimmered in vibrant hues of red, yellow, and orange. Waterfalls and rivers were in abundance. Trees were numerous, crowds were limited, and traffic noises were barely existent. In that environment I experienced myself decompress dramatically. So significant was the decompression that the following poem exhaled with all my tensions.

THE TEXTURE OF RELAXATION
by Susan Skommesa
10/11/09

The absence of the rat-race startles me
Stillness infiltrates every fiber of my being
Surprisingly, the stillness is teaming with life.
Trees whisper their dance across my attention
A tender cool breeze tickles my skin
Scented vibrant air pulls up deep releasing breaths from my core
A symphony orchestrated by a variety of birds siphons off my tension
The majestic rise of mountains refires my creativity
Delightful creatures all around hold my curiosity
And by the end of the day...
As a swash of brilliant stars consumes the night sky
The chains of the city release their hold

May you and your family  find a way to drink in peace each day!

Susan



Copyright 2009 Susan Skommesa. All rights reserved.