This year is my 30th high school reunion. For the first time in as many years I am connecting with my former classmates. I didn't enjoy high school. It was filled with too many dramas and hurts, even within my closest circle of friends. Both inside and outside that circle, I felt an enormous pressure to be a certain way. Debilitating judgments were made basically against everyone, and by everyone. We labeled each other based on those judgments. This overall lack of acceptance amongst us wreaked havoc with my self-esteem. As I now reconnect with those class mates I'm discovering that many had a similar perception of our high school years.
Of course as I trip down memory lane, and I think about the offenses against me, I realize that I still own hurts, grudges, and judgments from those years. Yet, in the midst of these memories, a freeing thought suddenly blazes through my mind. As I begin to realize what's lurking in my heart, as I take stock of the sins that were committed against me, I become acutely aware that these are the very sins I've committed against others. This is wildly liberating as all the monsters of my past melt into kids who where as hurting, immature, and defensive as me. Their judgments against me were not about my value, but about their perception of their own value.
And if this isn't enough, another realization zooms in and makes my heart giddy: The enemy of my soul wants to use my past to destroy my present by keeping offenses alive that no longer exist, except in my unforgiveness. Without forgiveness, I live in the chains of yesterday's resentments, judgments, and hurts today. The Father knows forgiveness is terribly difficult, so Jesus meets me in my hurts and resentments, and takes me through the process of forgiveness: realization, acknowledgement, surrender, apology, release, and freedom. Sometimes this process happens in lightning speed, as in this case. Other times I find myself walking through a long process of pealing the onion, layer by layer, in order to get to the sweet core. Either way, true and honest forgiveness is His door to my freedom.
